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This is a stock cover image. We regularly add new custom covers so come back tomorrow to see if we've made one for you.Predatory Robber
A Screenplay by The Game MasterINT. HATFIELD HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Caring private detective PROF CHANTAL PITT is arguing with lovable private detective DI FAIRYDUST GUMP. CHANTAL tries to hug FAIRYDUST but she shakes her off.
Please Fairydust, don't leave me.
I'm sorry Chantal, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
I am such a person!
FAIRYDUST frowns.
I'm sorry, Chantal. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
FAIRYDUST leaves.
CHANTAL sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, bold doctor MASTER ROGER WU barges in looking flustered.
Goodness, Roger! Is everything okay?
I'm afraid not.
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
It's ... a robber ... I saw an evil robber Bebierfy a bunch of children!
Defenseless children?
Yes, defenseless children!
Bloomin' heck, Roger! We've got to do something.
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
You can start by telling me where this happened.
I was...
ROGER fans himself and begins to wheeze.
Focus Roger, focus! Where did it happen?
Tate Modern! That's right - Tate Modern!
CHANTAL springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
CHANTAL rushes along the street, followed by ROGER. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. TATE MODERN - SHORTLY AFTER
JAMES BLACKSMITH a predatory robber terrorises two children.
CHANTAL, closely followed by ROGER, rushes towards JAMES, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
What is is? What's the matter?
That's not just any old robber, that's James Blacksmith!
Who's James Blacksmith?
Who's James Blacksmith? Who's James Blacksmith? Only the most predatory robber in the universe!
Blinkin' knickers, Chantal! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most predatory robber in the universe!
You can say that again.
Blinkin' knickers, Chantal! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most predatory robber in the universe!
I'm going to need rainbows, lots of rainbows.
James turns and sees Chantal and Roger. He grins an evil grin.
Chantal Pitt, we meet again.
You've met?
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young CHANTAL is sitting in a park listening to some classical music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees JAMES. She takes off her headphones.
Would you like some white mice?
CHANTAL's eyes light up, but then he studies JAMES more closely, and looks uneasy.
I don't know, you look kind of predatory.
Me? No. I'm not predatory. I'm the least predatory robber in the world.
Wait, you're a robber?
CHANTAL runs away, screaming.
INT. TATE MODERN - PRESENT DAY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
(To CHANTAL) You ran away?
(To ROGER) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
CHANTAL turns to JAMES.
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
CHANTAL runs away.
She turns back and shouts.
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with rainbows.
I'm not scared of you.
You should be.
EXT. TOWER BRIDGE - LATER THAT DAY
CHANTAL and ROGER walk around searching for something.
I feel sure I left my rainbows somewhere around here.
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly rainbows.
You know nothing Roger Wu.
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, JAMES appears, holding a pair of rainbows.
Looking for something?
Crikey, Chantal, he's got your rainbows.
Tell me something I don't already know!
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
I know that already!
I Make Spam Comments.
(appalled) Dude!
While JAMES is looking at ROGER with disgust, CHANTAL lunges forward and grabs her deadly rainbows. He wields them, triumphantly.
Prepare to die, you predatory courgette!
No please! All I did was Bebierfy a bunch of children!
FAIRYDUST enters, unseen by any of the others.
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Chantal Pitt defender of innocent children.
Don't hurt me! Please!
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these rainbows on you right away!
Because Chantal, I am your father.
CHANTAL looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
No you're not!
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
JAMES tries to grab the rainbows but CHANTAL dodges out of the way.
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, JAMES slumps to the ground.
Did he just faint?
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly rainbows.
CHANTAL crouches over JAMES's body.
Be careful, Chantal. It could be a trick.
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... James Blacksmith is dead!
What?
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
ROGER claps his hands.
So your rainbows did save the day, after all.
FAIRYDUST steps forward.
Is it true? Did you kill the predatory robber?
Fairydust how long have you been...?
FAIRYDUST puts her arm around CHANTAL.
Long enough.
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed James Blacksmith.
Then the children are safe?
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.
You are their hero.
The children bow to CHANTAL.
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that James Blacksmith will never Bebierfy children ever again, is enough for me.
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the children passes CHANTAL a gold bell
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
Well, if you insist.
CHANTAL takes the bell.
Thank you.
The children bow their heads once more, and leave.
CHANTAL turns to FAIRYDUST.
Does this mean you want me back?
Oh, Chantal, of course I want you back!
CHANTAL smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
Well you can't have me.
WHAT?
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a robber to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
But...
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Roger.
ROGER grins.
But...
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
Chantal?
I'm sorry Fairydust, but I think you should skidaddle.
FAIRYDUST leaves.
ROGER turns to CHANTAL.
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly ROGER stops.
When I said I Make Spam Comments, you know I was just trying to distract the robber don't you?
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