Mean Dragon

INT. VELTHOMER CASTLE - AFTERNOON

Holy Lord and Saviour DARK PRINCE JULIUS FALA is arguing with Wacky Camus archetype PRINCESS ISHTAR TORDO. JULIUS tries to hug ISHTAR but she shakes him off.

JULIUS
Please Ishtar, don't leave me.

ISHTAR
I'm sorry Julius, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

JULIUS
I am such a person!

ISHTAR frowns.

ISHTAR
I'm sorry, Julius. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

ISHTAR leaves.

JULIUS sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, loyal Deadlord GENERAL MUS RISEN barges in looking flustered.

JULIUS
Goodness, Mus! Is everything okay?

MUS
I'm afraid not.

JULIUS
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

MUS
It's ... a Dragon ... I saw an evil Dragon Infect a bunch of Children!

JULIUS
Defenseless Children?

MUS
Yes, defenseless Children!

JULIUS
Bloomin' heck, Mus! We've got to do something.

MUS
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

JULIUS
You can start by telling me where this happened.

MUS
I was...

MUS fans himself and begins to wheeze.

JULIUS
Focus Mus, focus! Where did it happen?

MUS
Belhalla! That's right - Belhalla!

JULIUS springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

JULIUS rushes along the street, followed by MUS. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. BELHALLA - SHORTLY AFTER

JULIA NAGA a mean Dragon terrorises two Children.

JULIUS, closely followed by MUS, rushes towards JULIA, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

MUS
What is is? What's the matter?

JULIUS
That's not just any old Dragon, that's Julia Naga!

MUS
Who's Julia Naga?

JULIUS
Who's Julia Naga? Who's Julia Naga? Only the most mean Dragon in the universe!

MUS
Blinkin' knickers, Julius! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean Dragon in the universe!

JULIUS
You can say that again.

MUS
Blinkin' knickers, Julius! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean Dragon in the universe!

JULIUS
I'm going to need Wyrmslayer, lots of Wyrmslayer.

Julia turns and sees Julius and Mus. She grins an evil grin.

JULIA
Julius Fala, we meet again.

MUS
You've met?

JULIUS
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young JULIUS is sitting in a park listening to some Jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees JULIA. He takes off his headphones.

JULIA
Would you like some Cinamon rolls?

JULIUS's eyes light up, but then he studies JULIA more closely, and looks uneasy.

JULIUS
I don't know, you look kind of mean.

JULIA
Me? No. I'm not mean. I'm the least mean Dragon in the world.

JULIUS
Wait, you're a Dragon?

JULIUS runs away, screaming.

EXT. BELHALLA - PRESENT DAY

JULIA
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

MUS
(To JULIUS) You ran away?

JULIUS
(To MUS) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

JULIUS turns to JULIA.

JULIUS
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

JULIUS runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

JULIUS
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Wyrmslayer.

JULIA
I'm not scared of you.

JULIUS
You should be.

INT. GRANVALE CASTLE - LATER THAT DAY

JULIUS and MUS walk around searching for something.

JULIUS
I feel sure I left my Wyrmslayer somewhere around here.

MUS
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Wyrmslayer.

JULIUS
You know nothing Mus Risen.

MUS
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, JULIA appears, holding a pair of Wyrmslayer.

JULIA
Looking for something?

MUS
Crikey, Julius, she's got your Wyrmslayer.

JULIUS
Tell me something I don't already know!

MUS
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

JULIUS
I know that already!

MUS
The Prince has no weakness.

JULIA
(appalled) Dude!

While JULIA is looking at MUS with disgust, JULIUS lunges forward and grabs his deadly Wyrmslayer. He wields them, triumphantly.

JULIUS
Prepare to die, you mean Corrin!

JULIA
No please! All I did was Infect a bunch of Children!

ISHTAR enters, unseen by any of the others.

JULIUS
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those Children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Julius Fala defender of innocent Children.

JULIA
Don't hurt me! Please!

JULIUS
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Wyrmslayer on you right away!

JULIA
Because Julius, I am your mother.

JULIUS looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

JULIUS
No you're not!

JULIA
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

JULIA tries to grab the Wyrmslayer but JULIUS dodges out of the way.

JULIUS
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, JULIA slumps to the ground.

MUS
Did she just faint?

JULIUS
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Wyrmslayer.

JULIUS crouches over JULIA's body.

MUS
Be careful, Julius. It could be a trick.

JULIUS
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Julia Naga is dead!

JULIUS
What?

JULIUS
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.

MUS claps his hands.

MUS
So your Wyrmslayer did save the day, after all.

ISHTAR steps forward.

ISHTAR
Is it true? Did you kill the mean Dragon?

JULIUS
Ishtar how long have you been...?

ISHTAR puts her arm around JULIUS.

ISHTAR
Long enough.

JULIUS
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Julia Naga.

ISHTAR
Then the Children are safe?

JULIUS
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable Children enter, looking relived.

ISHTAR
You are their hero.

The Children bow to JULIUS.

JULIUS
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Julia Naga will never Infect Children ever again, is enough for me.

ISHTAR
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the Children passes JULIUS a Dank Memes

ISHTAR
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

JULIUS
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

JULIUS
Well, if you insist.

JULIUS takes the Memes.

JULIUS
Thank you.

The Children bow their heads once more, and leave.

JULIUS turns to ISHTAR.

JULIUS
Does this mean you want me back?

ISHTAR
Oh, Julius, of course I want you back!

JULIUS smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

JULIUS
Well you can't have me.

ISHTAR
WHAT?

JULIUS
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Dragon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

ISHTAR
But...

JULIUS
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Mus.

MUS grins.

ISHTAR
But...

MUS
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

ISHTAR
Julius?

JULIUS
I'm sorry Ishtar, but I think you should skidaddle.

ISHTAR leaves.

MUS turns to JULIUS.

MUS
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

JULIUS
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly MUS stops.

MUS
When I said The Prince has no weakness, you know I was just trying to distract the Dragon don't you?

THE END