Brutal Zombie

EXT. SORIENTH - AFTERNOON

Kind dragon god DEITY GLADEKEEPER PLANTY is arguing with understanding dragon god DEITY EARTHSHAKER BOULDER. GLADEKEEPER tries to hug EARTHSHAKER but he shakes her off.

GLADEKEEPER
Please Earthshaker, don't leave me.

EARTHSHAKER
I'm sorry Gladekeeper, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.

GLADEKEEPER
I am such a person!

EARTHSHAKER frowns.

EARTHSHAKER
I'm sorry, Gladekeeper. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

EARTHSHAKER leaves.

GLADEKEEPER sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, admirable dragon god DEITY STORMCATCHER VOLTY barges in looking flustered.

GLADEKEEPER
Goodness, Stormcatcher! Is everything okay?

STORMCATCHER
I'm afraid not.

GLADEKEEPER
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

STORMCATCHER
It's ... a zombie ... I saw an evil zombie eat a bunch of kittens!

GLADEKEEPER
Defenseless kittens?

STORMCATCHER
Yes, defenseless kittens!

GLADEKEEPER
Bloomin' heck, Stormcatcher! We've got to do something.

STORMCATCHER
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

GLADEKEEPER
You can start by telling me where this happened.

STORMCATCHER
I was...

STORMCATCHER fans himself and begins to wheeze.

GLADEKEEPER
Focus Stormcatcher, focus! Where did it happen?

STORMCATCHER
The Behemoth! That's right - The Behemoth!

GLADEKEEPER springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

GLADEKEEPER rushes along the street, followed by STORMCATCHER. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. THE BEHEMOTH - SHORTLY AFTER

PLAUGEBRINGER DECAY a brutal zombie terrorises two kittens.

GLADEKEEPER, closely followed by STORMCATCHER, rushes towards PLAUGEBRINGER, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

STORMCATCHER
What is is? What's the matter?

GLADEKEEPER
That's not just any old zombie, that's Plaugebringer Decay!

STORMCATCHER
Who's Plaugebringer Decay?

GLADEKEEPER
Who's Plaugebringer Decay? Who's Plaugebringer Decay? Only the most brutal zombie in the universe!

STORMCATCHER
Blinkin' knickers, Gladekeeper! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most brutal zombie in the universe!

GLADEKEEPER
You can say that again.

STORMCATCHER
Blinkin' knickers, Gladekeeper! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most brutal zombie in the universe!

GLADEKEEPER
I'm going to need trees, lots of trees.

Plaugebringer turns and sees Gladekeeper and Stormcatcher. She grins an evil grin.

PLAUGEBRINGER
Gladekeeper Planty, we meet again.

STORMCATCHER
You've met?

GLADEKEEPER
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young GLADEKEEPER is sitting in a park listening to some flute music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees PLAUGEBRINGER. She takes off her headphones.

PLAUGEBRINGER
Would you like some jelly babies?

GLADEKEEPER's eyes light up, but then he studies PLAUGEBRINGER more closely, and looks uneasy.

GLADEKEEPER
I don't know, you look kind of brutal.

PLAUGEBRINGER
Me? No. I'm not brutal. I'm the least brutal zombie in the world.

GLADEKEEPER
Wait, you're a zombie?

GLADEKEEPER runs away, screaming.

EXT. THE BEHEMOTH - PRESENT DAY

PLAUGEBRINGER
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

STORMCATCHER
(To GLADEKEEPER) You ran away?

GLADEKEEPER
(To STORMCATCHER) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

GLADEKEEPER turns to PLAUGEBRINGER.

GLADEKEEPER
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

GLADEKEEPER runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

GLADEKEEPER
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with trees.

PLAUGEBRINGER
I'm not scared of you.

GLADEKEEPER
You should be.

EXT. THE WYRMWOUND - LATER THAT DAY

GLADEKEEPER and STORMCATCHER walk around searching for something.

GLADEKEEPER
I feel sure I left my trees somewhere around here.

STORMCATCHER
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly trees.

GLADEKEEPER
You know nothing Stormcatcher Volty.

STORMCATCHER
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, PLAUGEBRINGER appears, holding a pair of trees.

PLAUGEBRINGER
Looking for something?

STORMCATCHER
Crikey, Gladekeeper, she's got your trees.

GLADEKEEPER
Tell me something I don't already know!

STORMCATCHER
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

GLADEKEEPER
I know that already!

STORMCATCHER
I pick my nose and eat it.

PLAUGEBRINGER
(appalled) Dude!

While PLAUGEBRINGER is looking at STORMCATCHER with disgust, GLADEKEEPER lunges forward and grabs her deadly trees. He wields them, triumphantly.

GLADEKEEPER
Prepare to die, you brutal potato!

PLAUGEBRINGER
No please! All I did was eat a bunch of kittens!

EARTHSHAKER enters, unseen by any of the others.

GLADEKEEPER
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those kittens were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gladekeeper Planty defender of innocent kittens.

PLAUGEBRINGER
Don't hurt me! Please!

GLADEKEEPER
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these trees on you right away!

PLAUGEBRINGER
Because Gladekeeper, I am your mother.

GLADEKEEPER looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

GLADEKEEPER
No you're not!

PLAUGEBRINGER
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

PLAUGEBRINGER tries to grab the trees but GLADEKEEPER dodges out of the way.

GLADEKEEPER
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, PLAUGEBRINGER slumps to the ground.

STORMCATCHER
Did she just faint?

GLADEKEEPER
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly trees.

GLADEKEEPER crouches over PLAUGEBRINGER's body.

STORMCATCHER
Be careful, Gladekeeper. It could be a trick.

GLADEKEEPER
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Plaugebringer Decay is dead!

GLADEKEEPER
What?

GLADEKEEPER
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.

STORMCATCHER claps his hands.

STORMCATCHER
So your trees did save the day, after all.

EARTHSHAKER steps forward.

EARTHSHAKER
Is it true? Did you kill the brutal zombie?

GLADEKEEPER
Earthshaker how long have you been...?

EARTHSHAKER puts his arm around GLADEKEEPER.

EARTHSHAKER
Long enough.

GLADEKEEPER
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Plaugebringer Decay.

EARTHSHAKER
Then the kittens are safe?

GLADEKEEPER
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable kittens enter, looking relived.

EARTHSHAKER
You are their hero.

The kittens bow to GLADEKEEPER.

GLADEKEEPER
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Plaugebringer Decay will never eat kittens ever again, is enough for me.

EARTHSHAKER
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the kittens passes GLADEKEEPER a magic talisman

EARTHSHAKER
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

GLADEKEEPER
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

GLADEKEEPER
Well, if you insist.

GLADEKEEPER takes the talisman.

GLADEKEEPER
Thank you.

The kittens bow their heads once more, and leave.

GLADEKEEPER turns to EARTHSHAKER.

GLADEKEEPER
Does this mean you want me back?

EARTHSHAKER
Oh, Gladekeeper, of course I want you back!

GLADEKEEPER smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

GLADEKEEPER
Well you can't have me.

EARTHSHAKER
WHAT?

GLADEKEEPER
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a zombie to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

EARTHSHAKER
But...

GLADEKEEPER
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Stormcatcher.

STORMCATCHER grins.

EARTHSHAKER
But...

STORMCATCHER
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

EARTHSHAKER
Gladekeeper?

GLADEKEEPER
I'm sorry Earthshaker, but I think you should skidaddle.

EARTHSHAKER leaves.

STORMCATCHER turns to GLADEKEEPER.

STORMCATCHER
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

GLADEKEEPER
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly STORMCATCHER stops.

STORMCATCHER
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the zombie don't you?

THE END