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The Thick Knife

The Thick Knife

A Short Story
by CS Palessa

Poopsie Goldsmith was thinking about Jessica Butterscotch again. Jessica was an intuitive muppet with feathery hearts and wobbly eyes.

Poopsie walked over to the window and reflected on her desolate surroundings. She had always hated dry Alice Springs with its defeated, dull Desert. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel calm.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an intuitive figure of Jessica Butterscotch.

Poopsie gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a thoughtless, popular, iced coffee drinker with fluffy hearts and chubby eyes. Her friends saw her as a fierce, faint friend. Once, she had even revived a dying, newborn.

But not even a thoughtless person who had once revived a dying, newborn, was prepared for what Jessica had in store today.

The sun shone like smiling elephants, making Poopsie stable. Poopsie grabbed a thick knife that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Poopsie stepped outside and Jessica came closer, she could see the mushy glint in her eye.

Jessica gazed with the affection of 6385 brutal doubtful dogs. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want a kiss."

Poopsie looked back, even more stable and still fingering the thick knife. "Jessica, what a spiffing dress," she replied.

They looked at each other with irritable feelings, like two greasy, gloopy giraffes running at a very daring apocalypse, which had zydeco music playing in the background and two modest uncles skipping to the beat.

Suddenly, Jessica lunged forward and tried to punch Poopsie in the face. Quickly, Poopsie grabbed the thick knife and brought it down on Jessica's skull.

Jessica's feathery hearts trembled and her wobbly eyes wobbled. She looked fuzzy, her emotions raw like a raw, rotten rock.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Jessica Butterscotch was dead.

Poopsie Goldsmith went back inside and made herself a nice drink of iced coffee.


Created on 17th February 2019.

Auto Praise for The Thick Knife

"I feel like I know Poopsie Goldsmith. In a way, it feels as though I've always known her."
- The Daily Tale
"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."
- Enid Kibbler
"Saying the sun shone like smiling elephants is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop

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