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Proud Alfie Bloggs

Proud Alfie Bloggs

A Short Story
by Jimmy

Alfie Bloggs looked at the vacant invisibility cloak in his hands and felt triumphant.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his gloomy surroundings. He had always hated leafy Hogsmeade with its selfish, spicy shadows. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel triumphant.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Billy Durdle. Billy was a childlike hippogriff with under-nourished lips and lean right hand.

Alfie gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a proud, aggressive, Butterbeer drinker with fiery lips and red right hand. His friends saw him as a wooden, wet wizard. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a mushy aged witch.

But not even a proud person who had once made a cup of tea for a mushy aged witch, was prepared for what Billy had in store today.

The drizzle rained like lying cats, making Alfie self-absorbed.

As Alfie stepped outside and Billy came closer, he could see the curvy glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a new wand," Billy bellowed, in an inquisitive tone. He slammed his fist against Alfie's chest, with the force of 2968 rats. "I frigging hate you, Alfie Bloggs."

Alfie looked back, even more self-absorbed and still fingering the vacant invisibility cloak. "Billy, I want a new wand - or else," he replied.

They looked at each other with vindictive feelings, like two scrawny, striped spiders untrustworthy at a very fearful Christmas break, which had wizard rock music playing in the background and two uncles gullible to the beat.

Alfie regarded Billy's under-nourished lips and lean right hand. He held out his hand. "Let's not fight," he whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered Billy.

"Please?" begged Alfie with puppy dog eyes.

Billy looked cheerful, his body blushing like a sour, silly shop.

Then Billy came inside for a nice drink of Butterbeer.

THE END

Created on 11th August 2016.

Auto Praise for Proud Alfie Bloggs

"I feel like I know Alfie Bloggs. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."
- The Daily Tale
"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."
- Enid Kibbler
"Saying the drizzle rained like lying cats is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop




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