Daniel Barlow and the Slippery Owl

Once upon a time there was a curvy boy called Daniel Barlow. He was on the way to see his Molly Malkovich, when he decided to take a short cut through Hampstead Heath.

It wasn't long before Daniel got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Hugo, but Hugo was nowhere to be found! Daniel began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Hugo. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a slippery owl dressed in a yellow pinafore disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Daniel.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed owl. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Daniel reached a clearing. In the clearing were two houses, one made from cabbages and one made from doughnuts.

Daniel could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Daniel looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Daniel a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Hugo!

"Hugo!" shouted Daniel. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Hugo back!" cried Daniel.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Hugo out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, the slippery owl in the yellow pinafore rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the cleaning.

"Hello Big Owl," said the witch.

"Good morning." The owl noticed Hugo. "Who is this?"

"That's Hugo," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Hugo would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the owl.

The witch shook her head. "Hugo is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Daniel interrupted. "Hugo lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Owl ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Owl looked at the house made from doughnuts and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from doughnuts if I wanted to."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Hugo."

Daniel watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Hugo to Big Owl. He didn't think Hugo would like living with a slippery owl, away from his house and all his other toys.

Big Owl put on his bib and withdraw a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Owl. "Just you watch!"

Big Owl pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from doughnuts. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Owl started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of doughnuts, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Owl.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Owl never finished eating the front door made from doughnuts and Hugo remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Hugo."

"Not so fast," said Daniel. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from cabbages. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the owl. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Daniel.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Hugo back."

Daniel ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from cabbages and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Daniel sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Daniel. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Daniel's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from cabbages. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Daniel was down to the final piece of the door made from cabbages. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Daniel had eaten the entire front door of the house made from cabbages.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Hugo or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Daniel hurried over and grabbed Hugo, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Hugo was unharmed.

Daniel thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Molly. It was starting to get dark.

When Daniel got to Molly's house, his threw her arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Molly. "You are very late."

As Daniel described his day, he could tell that Molly didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Molly.

Daniel unwrapped a doorknob made from doughnuts. "Pudding!" he said.

Molly almost fell off her chair.

The End